Once Holly and I went up to Jackson, Wyoming to climb the Middle Teton. If you've been in the Tetons, then you know of the magnetic effect they have on non-evil people. The effect they have on evil people is totally different--it's sort of like dipping a million needles in acid, then sticking them in your eyeballs and all over your face. You look freakier than Pinhead, that dude from all those scary movies back like ten to twenty years ago. What's up with scary movies having so many sequels? What's the point? So many of them have such a similar plot as each other, they might as well all be sequels of each other anyway, so why bother making one an official sequel of another? Many even crossbreed, like Freddy vs. Jason.
Anyway, we were trying to get to the top of the Middle Teton, but a huge storm came in and forced us off the mountain. We had to hike back down, crossing several steep glacier fields on the way. We had ice axes that had helped us get up, and we decided to glissade down the ice fields on our feet and/or butts, and use the axes as brakes so we wouldn't go rocketing out of control. I went first and slid about half way down, then stopped, turned around, and waited for Holly to come. She's totally hot and really athletic, so she stood in some sort of advanced European ski stance and started flying down towards me. She was going way too fast, so she spun around and hacked her axe into the ice. The axe stuck, but her speed caused the wrist strap to snap right off, sending her speeding helplessly down the glacier. At the bottom were rocks and boulders--she would certainly die if she hit them. She tried digging her hands and feet in, but it was to no avail.
My Terminator senses kicked in. I quickly moved into her path and slammed my axe into the ice as hard as I could. Then, using all the force I had, I kicked my feet into the snow so I'd have as much stable grip as possible. When she slid under me, I fell on top of her, stopping her. I then dee aitched her until my hips were sore. "I thought I was going to lose you," I cried. "You saved my life," she replied. We hugged and dee aitched some more right there on the glacier.
I still get the willies when I think of how close she came to kickin' the bucket. Right before this happened, we met a guy on the trail that told us a story of a woman that had died up there two weeks previous by losing her footing and sliding down a glacier. Holly is damn lucky to be alive. Too bad she broke her leg this New Year's Eve and is now in a cast that goes to her hip.
Big Dump Utah, bigdumputah.com
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