Asian Shirt Folding

Step Off the Train, Sir

Once I stowed away on TRAX without buying a pass. Instead of being vigilant and watching for UTA cops to board, I zoned out and rode illegally with no regard for my own well being. So when the cop asked to see my ticket, I told him I had none.

"Step off the train with me, sir," he instructed. I obeyed. There was also a girl about my age that got busted and deboarded.

As the two cops walked us over to a bench, she whispered to me, "Please say you'll be my witness in all of this." I didn't know if she was talking about religion or what. The uniformed busters looked called her name and info in, and were told that the girl had been banned from riding TRAX until 2040. That's the year 2040. She gave them tons of lip and harassment, which ended up working in my favor, because when they came to me I fully fessed up to the error of my ways and gave them nothing but polite responses and meek countenance. I think they were so burned out on the hippy-hellion girl that they let me go with nothing but an official warning.

They still made me walk home, though.

When I Grow Up ...

In Love With a Japanese Man

A couple of weekends ago I climbed Mt. Shasta in northern California, then skied down it. It was a two day endeavor and we had to set up base camp at the foot of this super steep, long, grueling slope that lead up to a rocky cliff band, around and through some spires, then up a section called Misery Row or Misery Hill or something before hoisting us up onto the bony summit of a 14ooo-ft. peak. 

We set our alarm to 4am to get a good start from base camp on the second day. We were ready to hit it by 5am--packs on, skis on, gear all ready. There was a Japanese threesome of climbers standing around twiddling their thumbs as we were about to get moving, they said they were waiting for someone (presumably waiting for their partner so they could do the same thing we were about to do). Just as we began to leave, the Japanese guy left the two women he was standing with and started to climb into CJ's tent. 

"Hey, what are you doing?" asked CJ, shocked.

"I'm getting in this tent," the guy replied.

"That's my tent--where's yours?"

"Hey man, I'm just starting to get cold and I want to get inside of this tent."

CJ talked him out of it, then we left. A friend of ours stayed behind at base camp and told us later that once some other climbers had left camp, he went and got inside their tent. I've thought a lot about that guy since then, and can't get over how forward he was about occupying somebody else's tent. I've come to realize that I love that Japanese climber for what he did and who he is. And I can only hope that he feels the same way about me.

Big Dump Utah

I don’t know why nobody came up with the idea for Big Dump Utah sooner. It’s basically a single source for all things related to Utah skiers and snowboarders. It has current mountain weather conditions and five-day forecasts for every Utah resort, a place to buy or sell your gear as well as get brand new gear from some of Utah’s sweetest outdoor providers. It even has video games. While it is still in the growing process, it has already become a valuable resource for snowmonkeys from the Wasatch Range, and even up into Logan or way down willy near Brian Head.

It will eventually be fully rocking with discussion forums, killer deal notices, avalanche info and specialty shop, events postings, and instant powder email alerts, as well as pic-of-the-day, easy video upload, and the latest of mountain-related news. It’s sort of like an easier-to-navigate TGR, but focused primarily on Utah locals.

Cease Not to Shake It

You might want to turn your volume down a bit for this one.

Freddy vs.Jason

Once Holly and I went up to Jackson, Wyoming to climb the Middle Teton. If you've been in the Tetons, then you know of the magnetic effect they have on non-evil people. The effect they have on evil people is totally different--it's sort of like dipping a million needles in acid, then sticking them in your eyeballs and all over your face. You look freakier than Pinhead, that dude from all those scary movies back like ten to twenty years ago. What's up with scary movies having so many sequels? What's the point? So many of them have such a similar plot as each other, they might as well all be sequels of each other anyway, so why bother making one an official sequel of another? Many even crossbreed, like Freddy vs. Jason.

Anyway, we were trying to get to the top of the Middle Teton, but a huge storm came in and forced us off the mountain. We had to hike back down, crossing several steep glacier fields on the way. We had ice axes that had helped us get up, and we decided to glissade down the ice fields on our feet and/or butts, and use the axes as brakes so we wouldn't go rocketing out of control. I went first and slid about half way down, then stopped, turned around, and waited for Holly to come. She's totally hot and really athletic, so she stood in some sort of advanced European ski stance and started flying down towards me. She was going way too fast, so she spun around and hacked her axe into the ice. The axe stuck, but her speed caused the wrist strap to snap right off, sending her speeding helplessly down the glacier. At the bottom were rocks and boulders--she would certainly die if she hit them. She tried digging her hands and feet in, but it was to no avail.

My Terminator senses kicked in. I quickly moved into her path and slammed my axe into the ice as hard as I could. Then, using all the force I had, I kicked my feet into the snow so I'd have as much stable grip as possible. When she slid under me, I fell on top of her, stopping her. I then dee aitched her until my hips were sore. "I thought I was going to lose you," I cried. "You saved my life," she replied. We hugged and dee aitched some more right there on the glacier.

I still get the willies when I think of how close she came to kickin' the bucket. Right before this happened, we met a guy on the trail that told us a story of a woman that had died up there two weeks previous by losing her footing and sliding down a glacier. Holly is damn lucky to be alive. Too bad she broke her leg this New Year's Eve and is now in a cast that goes to her hip. Big Dump Utah, bigdumputah.com