Dances With Wolves, the Extended Version

How awesome is the extended version of Dances With Wolves? People don't give it the recognition it deserves, and that is totally messed up big time. Why do we feel the need to tear down Shumani Tutonka Owashee? Why is it that when we are at the video store trying to figure out what to rent and I suggest the extended version of Dances With Wolves, everyone makes that look that you get when you take a big swig out of the milk jug only to discover it is old and chunky and long-expired? Some people even have the ignorant gall to comment "The regular-length version is bad enough."

I am here to knock some sense into humanity. DWW-TEV offers something to every audience, and I'm about to prove it. Action: the opening Civil War scene where the North and South are at the battle field, and John Dunbar is about to get his leg amputated. Violence: The Sioux fill that fat guide with arrows and eat his pickled eggs. Comedy: "Somebody poked me in the butt--was that you?" Romance: "I go where you go, John Dunbar." Drama: The part of the buffalo hunt where the Sioux come up over the hill and see a field full of dead, skinned buffalo. Sex: John Dunbar is sleeping in the Chief's tent and wakes up in the middle of the night to see Chief and Squaw gettin' jiggy wid it.

If the proof is in the pudding, then this blog is a six-pack of Jell-O Snack Packs. And as if the plot, script, and cinematography didn't seal the deal, recall the amazingly inspirational soundtrack. I listen to that John Williams masterpiece before playing basketball and then I go out on the court and play ball like I live my life: I pretend that I'm John Dunbar and I'm riding that beautiful horse Cisco around the Great Plains saving Indian tribes from the white man, from other bad Indian tribes, and from buffalo gone crazy with Mad Buffalo Disease.

The world needs more Dances With Wolves, the Extended Versions. Personally, I am anxiously awaiting extended versions of The Princess Bride and Mr. Mom. They may never come, but if they do, I'll be ready. And if you haven't been totally absorbed in a world of dark hatred and World of Warcraft brainwash, maybe you'll get ready, too.